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About Us
In June of 2003 our 20-year-old, Kyle, died in a car accident. In the weeks that followed I often thought about how I could feel him as a part of us wherever we went when he was alive, but now, when I needed him most, I felt nothing. I began to speak to Kyle often asking him to let us feel his presence-that knowingness one has of another whether you are with them or not.
This asking to feel Kyle’s presence was our first of many requests of him. It was the beginning of our wondrous and amazing journey of knowing Kyle after his physical death.
The Journey Unfolds:
I began to have a strange feeling on my shin, like a feather was lightly crossing the skin and I couldn’t decide if it tickled or itched, but I had to scratch it. I didn’t realize it at first, but it happened when I was thinking of Kyle.
One afternoon the sensation was stronger than what it had been. I leaned down to scratch it and suddenly I was thinking of when we would kiss Kyle. He liked to tease us by wiping away the kiss. We always played the same part and would ask him if he wiped off our kiss. On queue, Kyle would smile, his beautiful blue eyes would twinkle and shaking his head back and forth he would tell us he was rubbing it in. I smiled with this thought. I told Kyle I felt him and was not wiping off his touch; I was rubbing it in as he would do with our kisses. The sensation stopped with this comment, or moment, that I had shared with Kyle and did not return. What did return was that feeling of his presence-the laughter in his eyes, the playfulness of love, and the gift of feeling who he was.
It was in this moment with Kyle that I decided I would not live without him just because his body had left this world.
One of Kyle's friends found a grief counselor on line during the later part of June that year. During one of the conversation the counselor told her Kyle would be sending us pennies, feathers and songs as a validation that he was still near. When Kyle’s friend shared this with us I did not know what to think as my past experiences did not have any real belief or knowingness of this sort of thing. What I did know, though, was that I had asked to feel Kyle’s presence and was granted my request. I had also requested a continued relationship with Kyle and decided to keep an open mind.
Pennies and feathers began to appear almost daily for us. In the car we would ask for a particular song and the next song on the radio would be the one we requested.
Close friends gave us the book by Sandy Goodman, “Love Never Dies.” Sandy’s son, Jason, was accidentally electrocuted at the age of eighteen. John Edward gave Sandy a reading telling her Jason would be sending dimes. When I read this I laughed and jokingly asked Kyle what was up-Jason was sending dimes, Kyle only pennies.
That night I dreamed. It was a vivid and almost real feeling dream, one like I had never had before. In the dream Kyle told me he had a gift for me. As I reached for the homemade casserole he held in his hand, Kyle told me the gift was not the casserole, but something inside of it. He told me to use my hand and feel inside the casserole for the gift. I did, until I found a small container. Kyle told me to open it. I lifted the top off the container and poured the contents into the palm of my hand. Smiling, I looked at Kyle and thanked him for the nickel.
I woke with the dream fresh in my mind and laughed at his reply to my joke knowing he would not have given me the dime in the physical either, but he would have met me half way.
Later that afternoon the hostess walked several of us to our table at one our favorite restaurants. Instead of sitting, we just stood there looking at the table, staring at the only thing on it-a nickel.
We were beginning to learn how to live with our physical loss of Kyle, but not the loss of the essence of him. We consciously decided we would not live in the grief, but instead live with Kyle as he is now. We spoke to him regularly; inviting him to be present with us during the mundane and special events in our lives. We continually asked him for signs to show us he was near.
Inevitably we would receive pennies, nickels and feathers. As time went by we began to ask for specific things. A good parking spot, a picture on the wall moved, and a white flower were just some of the things we requested from Kyle to show us he was near. As we went about our lives we looked for the interaction between us, our request, and Kyle.
On the weekend we were to have moved Kyle into his dorm room we traveled with friends. As usual, we asked Kyle to join us. Prior to leaving we discussed what we would request of Kyle during this trip. It was decided we would ask him to appear in a photograph.
When we arrived I took the camera out only to discover the batteries were dead. Disappointed, I put the camera back into the suitcase and left to meet our friends. Shortly after meeting our friends one of them asked if she could take our picture. In awe, we said yes and asked Kyle to appear.
As talking to and looking for a response from spirit is not mainstream we secretly viewed our first picture of Kyle in spirit and did not share the results with our friends. We were, none-the-less, delighted and in awe that we could request something and get a response from Kyle. We felt, as with all our requests, Kyle was sending us validation that he is still, near and doing well.
We continued talking to Kyle and asking for signs as we went about our lives, but did not ask again for him to appear in a photo. Kyle apparently liked this particular mode of connection for after a month of no requests from me, he made one of me.
In the middle of the night I was awoken by a soft pushing on my arm. I opened my eyes and knew Kyle was there. I could not see him standing at the end of the bed, nor did I see a sphere of light, but I knew-I could feel him.
He led me downstairs to the camera and outside to take pictures. Our backyard, which was in major renovation when Kyle died, was now done. I began to think about Kyle talking to the workers every day about what was being done, how wonderful it looked, when they thought it might be finished and how they did some of the work they did. As I thought about these moments I began to share them with Kyle. I remembered him standing there watching the men work and I took a picture of that memory. I walked to another area where we had just finished planting a rose garden. I asked Kyle if he liked the completed project and I took a picture.
We had hung a butterfly chime on the back deck. I told Kyle we hung it there or him. He could let us know any time he was here by just blowing the wind. I took a picture of the chimes as we spoke.
I talked with Kyle until the sun rose. I had taken seventy-two pictures. I had shared seventy-two different moments with Kyle, talking, remembering and planning for the future.
Others who had lost a loved one began to appear in our lives and we began to share our story, our connection, our journey with them. This sharing seemed to ease the loss and allow room for a new relationship with their loved one to develop.
As there are so many of us here at this time walking the same path we wish to share with you the wondrous and amazing journey of spirit after physical death-the journey about ones own connection to the source that created all and is eternal, connected to all things and open to all who ask for it is in the asking that one will know.
I remain committed to you in your journey of learning and understanding. My wish for you is that you find joy, peacefulness and abundant spiritual company in the discoveries along the way.
In peace and joy,
Robyn Reynolds, GC-C
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